I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
