Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
