Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I AM VODKA MAN
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
