just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
