Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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