Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
