I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
