...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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