I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
