she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
