and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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