i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
