Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
