honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
