Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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