they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
