she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
do herpes really smell.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
