i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
