my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
