its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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