I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
