is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
