sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
