I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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