I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
