I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
