I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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