Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
