they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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