your room smells of hookers.
And success
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
