Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
