It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
