I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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