Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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