We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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