FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
