That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
