i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
