If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
