I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
