ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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