I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
