How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
