so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
