When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just had sex on a roof
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize