i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
