The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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