Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
