whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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