New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
