don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
