One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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