Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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