Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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