he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize