so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
