Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
