She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
