It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
