at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
