How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
