if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
