The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
