hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I could fuck to npr.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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