I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
