Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
that is very illegal...i love you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
