What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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