Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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