I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You took a bar mat shot.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
