Jerry, you need to find god
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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