Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
