This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
