My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
