I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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