He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Be still, my beating vagina.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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