my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
